Do we do someone a favor by fighting their battles for them?

My father passed away last year and my mom fell apart for awhile. My dad was the decision maker in the family and even if my mom didn’t like it, she went along with it to keep peace in the family (I still don’t think I am related to her.)

Now that she is alone, my oldest sister is trying to take that place. She has to go to every doctors appointment with my mom, she tells the doctor that my mom is failing and she needs to give up driving and move to retirement community, and the doctor believes her. It is bullshit. My mom has slowed down, and does forget things, but she doesn’t have full blown Alzheimers yet, and she can see and drive fine. I keep telling her to tell my sister to back off, but she says she can’t and hopes one of us will do it for her.

I am torn. I think my oldest sister is a bitch, and she loves to order people around. She has succeeded in alienated all of her siblings, so none of us will talk to her. She also has power of attorney for my mom’s things, so she knows when she takes $20 out to get groceries. I would love nothing better than to confront her on all of this and tell her to back off. But there is another part of me that says my mom needs and can stand up for herself. It is also hard because I no longer live in WI – I moved back to CA. In her words, I left again. Sigh…

I believe we all come to this earth to learn lessons. If I fight the battle for my mom, and I cheating her out of learning this lesson? Or is it my lesson to fight for her?



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